Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize