my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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