I CAN MOONWALK!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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