I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
