i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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