just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
