Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
