I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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