I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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