I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
