I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
