Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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