Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
