the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
