It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
