I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
