Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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