Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
