my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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