You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize