Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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