I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
