i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
