whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
