Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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