you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I am mentally ready for anal.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
