somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
