We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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