No stitches, just platelets and will power
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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