Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
