she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
