Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
