Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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