so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
