Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
