Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
