you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
