All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Welp...herpes.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
