We're like a lot better than the average bears
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
