Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
being pregnant is like rehab
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
