I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
