Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
