Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
