Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
