I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
