I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
