He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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