I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm jealous of your bromance
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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