tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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