Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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